Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Bold Futura News

Two new Bold Futura articles are available on Tagruato's "Investor News" page:


Through its Bold Futura subsidiary, Tagruato successfully launched its first geostationary satellite “Hatsui” yesterday afternoon. At first, the launch was thought to be rescheduled because of poor weather conditions. Yesterday morning brought heavy rain and lightning strikes near the launch pad. Despite this adversity, however, the abort command was overruled by CEO Ganu Yoshida. After a five minute delay, the launch went off without any disasters.

Mission Chief Kenji Matsui claimed, “At first we thought the lightning might strike the satellite. It could cause a fire to catch within the electrical systems. It would have been seven years of hard work and sleepless night wasted.”

When asked why he overruled the abort command, Yoshida said, “Because here at Tagruato, we don’t let lightning stand in the way of achieving our goals. In this case that goal was reaching for the stars.”

Yoshida could not be more specific as to what “reaching for the stars” entails, but assured us, “It will be big.”

Bold Futura recently announced that one billion Yen will be allocated towards space research. “The future of man depends on our ability to spread outwards into the universe. At Tagruato, we want to be the first to take you there,” Yoshida added.”

In a move surely to shake up the world of physics, Bold Futura has recruited one hundred of the top physics majors graduating from universities around the world. Most highly sought after was Johan Hedberg from Sweden. His internationally-acclaimed thesis on the intricate ecosystems of deep sea crevices landed him immediate tenure at his university but he turned it down for the opportunity to work for Bold Futura. “They offered me free reign to do whatever I want as long as the board approves and oversees it, “said Hedberg at Futura’s November press conference, “Plus I’ll have comfort and security for a long, long time.”

It is unclear what Futura’s expectations are for these young minds. The company is cheerfully vague regarding their intentions for the new all-star quantum squad.

“With those young, fresh minds working together, anything is possible. I’ve watched these new graduates - they have ideas on everything from creating new energy sources to starting us down the road to teleportation,” said Tokyo-based Professor Akira Okinawa. “As a citizen to Japan and the human race, I cannot think of a better place for their ideas to flourish. Bold Futura is cutting edge and innovative. It has a plan for us all.”

Ganu Yoshida is the CEO of Bold Futura’s parent company, Tagruato. When asked about this “quantum coup”, he answered, “Now that we have all the best minds, we won’t need to worry about competition. This is what the industry needs right now: a company focused not on what its competitors are doing, but instead what it can do to make the world a better place.”

American Mike Siegel graduated last May in a cap and gown. Now he’ll be on the other side of the world in a labcoat. He won’t miss home though. “They offered me a chance to make history and to work with the best in my field. How could I turn that down?”

In other news, BoldFutura.jp and BoldFutura.org are still fake.

* Thanks to Katherine for emailing about this. Go Tigers!


  1. whooo hooo! FIRST!

    okay soooo... why the satellite? what could they possibly want with something like that? sounds like Tagurato's world wide mission just got universal to me.

  2. so should we expect tagurato to find something with their satellite exporation? because if they "stumble" upon something... we could have fun with it.

  3. One thing in this press release made me laugh: "Professor Akira Okinawa." Okinawa is a territory of Japan. It would be like naming someone "Professor John Puerto Rico" or "Professor Dan Guam."

  4. i still think rob might be on the new bold futura team..i at least hope they mention why rob's going to japan..

  5. Will the monster be a teleportation "accident"??

  6. I'm surprised Teddy Hanssen's name was not mentioned in that article. That might have explained where he went to further "the cause".

    - Captain Impulse

  7. its odd that they cant update their damn drilling station info...
    (and wtf was the hacking crap? no mention of that? "umm... yea, so... you didn't see that")

  8. i was actually talking to my friend earlier about the drilling station. i have a theory about it maybe not being important. i would have thought that it would say delayed or given a later date, late december or early january would have been my guess. but so far nothing which is causing me to think its not important.

  9. good point zurcher..i'm starting to think slusho has nothing to do with the movie as well...besides jj hawkins owning a shirt.. only to make it feel more real, i suppose

  10. I realize that this is a tad off-subject, but has anyone thought of the horrible idea that we may never actually see the monster?

  11. we've considered that until we saw the monster...in other words...we've already seen it

  12. Sorry, I was a little unclear. I'm talking about never actually seeing it as a whole, or never seeing it truly clearly until we slow it down on a computer screen. We've only seen two seconds of its back/leg area. I expect the camera is going to be shaking the entire time...but now that I think about it, Hud seems like the kind of cameraman daredevil who *might* try to sneak around and get a good shot when the monster's not looking.

  13. There is no way Slusho has nothing to do with this. It is way to integral to the marketing campaign to not be a vital plot point. Maybe not the majority of the plot, but vital in understanding where the monster came from.

    Also, i think we will see the monster but i also think/hope we don't see until later in the movie. like, the last third. The suspense would be amazing and its actually a technique called "The Jaws Effect". When the film maker waits as long as he can to show the monster it keeps the audience glued to the screen and the action for the whole movie. I hope thats what they do here. I hope we only see a tiny bit throughout the movie and then there's BIG DRAMATIC reveal at the end. Phew, sorry i went so long.

  14. i agree with everything you typed Vernon...but i wonder if slusho will be the only pivotal website between now and the movie...maybe we get a rebel site soon for "the cause"?

  15. The monster is not a teleportation accident.

    It's been done.

    See: Steven King's novel "The Mist" (Or I suppose you could see the movie).
    or Half Life the computer game (inspired by The Mist)

    This movie is an almost completely original approach to a "monster" movie judging by info from chums of the Paramount-Dreamworks family.

  16. Actually, if you are a close follower of JJ's hit-show "Lost" you'll know that JJ likes to use ANAGRAMS. You unscramble one word to make another word out of it. When you take the word "TAGRUATO" and unscramble it you get "A TORTUGA".... which "tortuga" in Spanish means "TURTLE" .... so the obvious hint is that it is A GIANT SEA TURTLE!!

  17. Ecks, nice. Although if this thing is a mutated turtle it best be seriously (edited) up. The shell popping out of that chick behind the sheet is also a tip off.

  18. ecks..if you ask me thats way to simple of an anagram to be considered...i mean come on wouldn't he think of something harder to figure out if that where true?
    not bashing you just putting my opinion out there...

  19. Johan Hedberg, the hockey goalie?

    Odd that of all the Swedish sounding names they could have picked, they picked one of a fairly recognizable athlete.

  20. Physics is a side gig.... you know, if the hockey stuff doesn't pan out. :)

  21. lol ya I've been a Johan Hedberg fan since he played for my team (PITTSBURGH!) and was called Moose...named my dog after him and everything...

    anyway, a giant sea turtle monster would be cool (if they made it really scary) but I thought this thing was goin to be an alien...

  22. Haven't giant sea turtles already been done? Doesn't anyone remember Gamera, the rocket-powered savior of children everywhere?

    Plus, the second article mentions the ecologies of deep-sea crevices. Sea turtles aren't deep-sea creatures; although a sea turtle can hold its breath for an hour, it's still not a creature designed for living in the deep gulleys in the ocean.

  23. Teleportation, eh? It makes me think "Watchmen" again, which was mentioned earlier.
    ...teleport a giant monster into NYC, wipe everything out.

  24. Seriously people, tell me that's not a turtle-shell-looking dealy that pops out her stomach.

  25. yeah, i also really hope it isn't a giant turtle.

    oh, btw i <3 the thrashers... hockey should definitely be bigger in atlanta...

  26. i retract my earlier statement about rob possibly being hired by bold futura...forgot he was in marketing...prolly for slusho...so....yeah

    even a scary looking sea turtle sounds too kiddy..this thing better be freakin' awesome scary..

    ..have we discussed what the explosion from the first trailer could have been? i mean, if he's coming from the ocean, what caused that explosion?

  27. the explosion could have been something like a gas line rupturing or something like that. could also be the military.

    and as for the woman behind the screen i dont think it looks like a turtle shell. i would say it looks like rolls of fat or maybe like part of a horseshoe crab.

  28. I don't think the ballooning woman behind the screen is anything but ... well, a ballooning woman. Yes, I'm sure something's coming out of her, but I don't think it's fully OUT of her in the shot. She's just... ballooning.

    For all we know, it's not a giant parasite at all, but a host of little parasites ready to explode into a cloud of fingernail-sized buggies.

  29. i know what happens now.

    someone goes to mexico and buys a cactus. when it starts to pulsate and expand the person ignores it. the cactus then explodes shooting tarantulas everywhere. one lands in a conveniently placed slusho and mutates the tarantula into an amphibious creature due to the seabeds necter. the creature then moseys out to sea due to an instinctual urge to reproduce and for some reason it needs water to do that. it lays all its eggs in the water and disappears for awhile to grow and age. meanwhile the fish of the city eat the eggs. then when the fish are caught the eggs somehow have dug into the meat of the fish are go unnoticed. people then eat the fish putting the eggs in them. eggs hatch and little baby taranurtles come out.


  30. lol.
    when i read "explodes, shooting tarantulas everywhere" coffee shot out my nose.. thanks alot

  31. Interesting theory zurcher.

    btw, I can't find the original post that talked about it so I'll mention it here.

    is not related to Cloverfield. I know the guy that owns the site and it is merely inspired by it.
    So there goes that theory. Besides, the game hasn't started yet. It has 9 more days to go.

  32. I agree with others that there will be a lot of the 'net stuff that the movie won't have time to include. I wonder if people not involved in reading these forums will get as much out of the movie as we will?

  33. For sure we will have some clues on Google Earth! Keep your eyes open near NY... What do you think about this? Search in Google Earth for Latitude 39°47'5.06"N and Longitude 66°13'52.37"O.

  34. responding to the comment about not actually seeing the monster and the jaws affect thingy,

    not actually seeing the monster, at least most of it, would be a great cliff hanger that could be used for a sequel or sometin,

    like how abram use the hatch to lead to teh next season of lost

  35. http://alina.vanguard-wow.net/2007/08/motion-johan-hedberg-howard-og.html

  36. I checked out the name "Hatsui" on wikipedia and it says its a character name in a manga.

    He was a celestial warrior who was all alone in the world and was bullied(maybe the drilling could be a metaphor to the bullying) and fought back not knowing that he had destructive powers. he ended up killing alot of people.

    His powers are also interesting. The power to create a metal shell/shield around himself and others(turtle refrence anyone?) and the ability to shoot out spikes from his body(parasites/crabs that detach from the monster have been suggested)

    I don't know if any of this is relevant by I just thought it was a weird coincedence.What do you all think?